Written by Moe Nightwalker

Thursday, 4 September 2014

image for GOP Plan to Kill Dems and Tea Party Discovered
Boehner's Ash Tray?

Traditional GOP leaders have been trying to kill Democrats and Tea Party members in a slow and horrific way -- second hand smoke.

Smoking has been banned in all federal buildings and most places in the US Capitol, but some Congressmen and Senators have ensured that they can continue to smoke in the US Capitol. A DC political magazine has revealed the true reason -- House Speaker John Boehner and other leading Republicans are trying to kill their opponents.

Many thought Boehner was just addicted to smoking and tanning. After a recent workout and shower in the congressional gym, some Democrats noticed that Boehner's tan was lighter. They challenged him to the Ice Bucket and provided a bucket with soapy water. After the bucket of soapy water washed the smoke off his face, he was a milky white man of German and Irish ancestry.

A few weeks later, Rand Paul commented about the smoking and the DC magazine investigated whether it was attempted murder. Research has shown that Boehner only smokes in front of Democrats and Tea Party members. Reviews of the NSA records of Boehner's texting include "It will take time, but they r going down", "Pelosi getting scratchy throat. Maybe she'll shut up 4 a while", and "Cruz isn't in my face when I smoke, so no crap about closing govt."

The Secret Service has joined the investigation after Boehner was chain-smoking during a round of golf with the President. A source from the service who asked for his name to be withheld since he was not authorized to speak, told our reporter, "While we continue to gather evidence of intent to harm, we have made an interesting discovery. [Boehner] is immune from smoking ailments because he continues to live in the 1950's."

The service noted that the smoke in his eyes also explains the constant crying.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: John Boehner




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