All Married Men Have Less Sex Than All Married Men

Written by Catchthisdrift

Thursday, 4 September 2014


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Leader of the research team, Dr. Meesa Hornee.

Blue Balls, WI - A group of researchers comprised of the best minds in modern physics have directly proved part of Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity as it applies to human existence. The experiment and associated findings are focused on married men. This is not the first time elements of Einstein's Theory have been shown to be accurate, but it is the first time any part of the theory has been tested by using human subjects.

The experiment focused on how every married man believes that every other married man has sex more often than he does. Traditional mathematics as well as the Theory of Common Sense have always shown that that situation can be true for only one married man - the one married man in existence who actually does have sex less often than every other married man.

But the researchers have shown that because of Relativity and associated aspects of the relationship between space and time, it is indeed true that every married man does have sex less often than every other married man. It is true for all married men at all times.

The belief by any particular married man that he has less sex than all other married men was always assumed to be hyperbole. But the experimental results show that is not the case.

Dr. Meesa Hornee, head of the research team said "the results surprised us, but we should have realized that practically anything was possible based on Einstein's findings. Because of discontinuities in space-time, it is true that every married man has less sex than every other married man - and this situation is true for all married men, at the same time. Astounding. Truly astounding. Frankly, I thought I was at the bottom of the heap, that all other married men were getting laid more often. Turns out it's true. But at the same time, all of those men are having less sex than I am."

Researchers will next turn their attention to the belief by all married women that all other married women's husbands are more romantic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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