Sadly, due primarily to a more indolent life style, more and more British men are failing to either sexually satisfy, or get their respective partners pregnant and are generally firing blanks rather than healthy spermatozoon.
Such is the seriousness of the situation that nationwide sperm banks are reporting a dire shortage of British sperm as more and more British males are becoming fatter via poor diets, spending too much time sprawled out on settee's watching football or generally 'ripping the head off it' while glued to websites such as Pornhub!
Meanwhile, despondent and sexually frustrated British females are resorting to desperate measures in order to get their thrice nightly orgasms or, in many cases, get pregnant.
Fortunately, due to an ever increasing influx of hunky well hung African, European and Mediterranean men, most of whom enjoy healthier diets than their British counterparts all is not lost.
Having conducted thousands of semen tests among numerous nationalities Professor Wolfgang Von Schicklegobbler, of the Conception Unit Nationwide Trust (C.U.N.T.), based in Bolivia has concluded that British women are better off cocking a leg with foreigners!
"Ve haf koncluded zat any male who is nien British is generals hung like zer donkey und fully loaded vid zer healthy hot suet ja! Zer average doner vos able to fill einer bucket after each vank vis no problenks, zer nurses ver vorking flat sticken tryink to keep up vid zer lads. As einer result of all zis ve is givink zer nurse's und night off vid zer hunk of zer choices!"
After publishing his findings in last month's edition of, 'Good Housekeeping' Prof Schicklegobbler has been swamped with calls, texts and letters from desperate British women eager to find an animated mate to fill their empty voids so to speak.
As a result of this Prof Schicklegobbler has set up a public service website, www.schlongjuice.cum and for a small (non-refundable) monthly fee eager British women can select a 'fully loaded' non-British hunk of their choice currently resident in the UK.
Meanwhile, in keeping with his daily mantra of, 'we are all in this together' Part-time Prime Minister, Do-nothing-Dave has ordered his Coalition Party colleagues to get motivated and start masturbating daily between naps in order to safeguard future generations and maintain British stocks of cold suet.
"Lord knows, most people perceive us as wanker's anyway and with the 2015 election on the horizon what better way for the Coalition to start earning a few brownie points with the female voters" said Dave, as he hastily unzipped his flies and started fiddling with his mobile!
