Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 16 September 2014


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Speaking on Ohio State's new sexual assault policy, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh had his own ideas of what consent to sex means.

"How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?" is a thing Limbaugh actually said on "The Rush Limbaugh Show" Monday.

Sunday, OSU announced it would strengthen its sexual assault and harassment guidelines in the wake of a federal investigation.

Limbaugh's interpretation of the policy means both parties must agree to engage in sexual activity every step of the way, which he says, "sucks all the fun out of it."

Limbaugh went on to say that the most enjoyable sex he has had was when he was stoned on OxyCotin. "Of course I didn't know then if the babe said 'no' or not and that was really a friggin blast."

"But the Palm Beach cops and prosecutors brought an end to my fun when they arrested me for getting 2,000 painkillers, prescribed by four doctors in six months and destroyed mu sex life. Of course, the basis of my arrest was their politically liberal take on sex. Boy, what a bunch of killjoys," stated the neo-fascist, widely popular radio talk show host, beloved by millions of Americans.

Limbaugh concluded, "One thing's for sure, no man needs to have consent for oral or anal sex because there is no chance of impregnation, as Cardinal Baloney of New York has asserted. Let the liberal-socialists like Sandra Fluke and the Palm Beach sex police think about that that one!" As he spoke, Limbaugh salivated on the cigar in his mouth.

When asked to comment Sandra Fluke responded, "I believe Sigmund Freud and other psychologists have noted that a cigar is a phallic symbol."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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