Mel Gibson Says He Can Beat Hillary

Written by Keith Shirey

Monday, 22 September 2014

image for Mel Gibson Says He Can Beat Hillary

Mel Gibson, the controversial and successful actor, said today that he could easily beat Hillary Clinton in the presidential election of 2016.

Using phrases that have gotten him national attention in the past he said, "Hillary was born with light skin. That makes her superior but her problem is that she's not Roman Catholic and is a woman. On balance this makes her inferior."

"Women are simply not equal to men. That's why they had to be burned alive at the stake in the past. They were asserting their superiority and paid the price," said the actor.

"I've hired private investigators to ascertain whether she has Jewish blood running through her female veins. I'll let you know. That would absolutely disqualify her for the presidency," he stated.

"Just like Obama, she's a puppet for the man behind the curtain. We all know that there's a protestant Grand Master who rules the United States from the shadows. I can't reveal who he is but I'll see him beheaded when I'm the President," said the widely admired actor.

He continued, "The icing on the cake is that she and Bill used birth control and only had one child. Not only will that land you in hell, but she could endanger the spiritual destination of millions by making IUD's easily available to women through government programs."

"Then women can have control over their own bodies. That's a way of asserting their superiority. The men in the Red States won't stand for it so it's a recipe for disaster. It will be Salem revisited, only worse."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more