Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton Both Check Into Wealth Rehab Facility

Funny story written by E. Williams

Thursday, 24 July 2014

image for Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton Both Check Into Wealth Rehab Facility

Malibu, CA - Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you seek out professional help. Such is the case with two well-known people in recent weeks.

Michael Moore and Hillary Clinton have both checked themselves into a Wealth Rehab clinic after years of denial about their vast monetary holdings.

Mrs. Clinton had her wealth exposed in her recent disaster of a book tour when she tried to play herself and her husband off as 'dead broke' in an interview.

Despite owning two mansions, and having millions in the bank from book advances and speaking fees, the former first lady was crying poverty in an attempt to gain voter sympathy.

"Hillary has been in denial for years." An anonymous rehab worker told us. "I think the backlash from the American people and the poor sales of her book were the slap in the face she needed to accept the reality that she's beyond rich. Coming here was a big step for her."

Mr. Moore, long a critic of capitalism, has done quite well himself both calorically and economically. The hefty lefty tried to be one of the leading faces of the Occupy movement, which railed against the 1%'ers, of which Moore was a closet member.

In divorce papers, it has become public that Moore is worth an estimated $50 million and owns nine homes with his soon-to-be ex-wife. He has even insisted to Piers Morgan in the past that he was not rich at all.

The rehab program will help the two millionaires deal with their 'wealth guilt' and learn to be alright with being saddled with tons of money. They will be introduced to the concept of charity, should they be inclined to help someone else beside themselves for once.

Moore will be under close supervision during his rehab stint as staff will be watching for signs of real estate withdrawal, pending his upcoming divorce.

"It's going to be tough on him." The rehab worker told us. "It's hard to accept having to live with only four or five houses when you're used to having nine. We'll work on Michael's fat assets problem first, then we'll focus on that fat ass of his."

The nation will be rooting for both of them to get off their high horses, or at least to cut us a check.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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