WHITEWASHINGTON, AC/DC - President Barack Obummer admitted that, although he has "no strategy" for dealing with the brutal army of thugs known as ISIS, who have, in addition to committing many other atrocities, decapitated two American journalists, he is "keeping former president George W. Bush under close surveillance."
"We're using drones," Obummer confessed.
The unmanned reconnaissance aircraft fly over the Bush ranch in Texas "pretty much constantly," locals say. "We see them whizzing or hovering over W's spread all the time."
Allegedly, Obummer is "concerned" about the former president.
However, no drones have been seen anywhere near the residences of former presidents Jimmy ("The Peanut") Carter, George Herbert Walker ("The Old Man") Bush, or Bill ("Hillary's Hubby") Clinton, pundits note.
"I'm not as concerned about them" Obummer stated.
However, he may "assign a drone task force to keep an eye on Hillary." He admits that he is "somewhat concerned about her, too."
Is Obummer "concerned" about their safety.
"No," he admitted, "but if I were they, I'd be very concerned: the drones are armed, and I'm not afraid to use them against my fellow Americans, if and when doing so helps me to maintain my objectives as commander in chief."
Asked whether he was suggesting that the former president--and possibly his own former secretary of state--are "threats to national security," Obummer replied, "That depends on how you define 'national security, but, let me be clear: W is under surveillance by armed drones, and he is likely to be throughout the remainder of my tenure as president."
Be afraid, W. Be very afraid!