Hillary Clinton secretly enters Iraq to assess ISIS and begin pre-presidential negotiations

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 10 July 2014

image for Hillary Clinton secretly enters Iraq to assess ISIS and begin pre-presidential negotiations
Ms. Clinton assumed complete disguise for the journey, except for the high heels

In burqa and nijab, with her signature dark wraparounds, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton recently entered Iraq as part of her presidential campaign.

No simple drop in and out with flak jacket, HRC slipped into Iraq and drove north from Baghdad to Mosul--with only a Spoof reporter as guide.

According to Ms. Clinton's office now is the primo moment to win the 2016 election. Her representative added: "After all, a president needs balls, and I'm not talking the size of aspirins."

Under clouds of dust and the occasional IED, plus bombs falling from WW II bombers piloted by aging Baathist pilots, Ms. Clinton made way to Mosul and "Club Ali Baba and his Forty Daughters" in a 1974 orange Honda.

Ms. Clinton and head of ISIS forces, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, met in a dark corner of the bar lit by goat-milk candles because Mosul has no electricity.

Mr. Baghdadi, fortyish, with scarf masking most of his face, was once imprisoned by the Americans at Camp Bucca in Iraq, where he was characterized as "mild, with zits."

The two sat at the bar with Ms. Clinton ordering a room temperature black porter. Mr. Baghdadi eyed this beverage nastily while sipping some kind of cactus juice he said could build spine in the jihadi.

Then began a long conversation, not entirely friendly. This part verbatim:

"We see the odds as with the Palestinians, 80 killed to three Israelis injured by rockets, same as usual. And you call us fundamentalists."

"Sorry to use boiler plate, but a nation has the right to defend itself."

"As with here in IS, the new caliphate I'm leading."

"But you're the terrorists."

"And you're the crusaders."

"Look, we're going to need extremists of some sort down the line when I'm president, for regime change somewhere in the region. There's good money in it. That's why I'm here."

They edged closer to the bar top and placed elbows in a fighting stance, ready for mano a mano and further negotiations.

But the moment became tense when Ms. Clinton slipped off her bar stool, which she blamed on a loose high heel.

Mr. Baghdadi attempted to seize the heel, aghast at the audacity of this "porno female invitation," and she withdrew it beneath her burqa--a place he refused to go.

His face whitened at even the possibility.

Back in the contest both clasped hands, elbows grounded on the bar top. The contest remained even, eyeball to eyeball behind their respective hijabs.

Then Hillary gained, the al-Baghdadi forearm declining. But his press release claimed it was: "Strictly negotiation--you yield something for later advantage."

Ms. Clinton's press release stated, "Mr. al-Baghdadi indicated future cooperation with the US."

Mr. al-Baghdadi's final words were "See you in New York"--which he also said on being released from Camp Bucca in 2009.

Ms. Clinton's response: "Let's not get confused here. That's why I'm making sure he's our SOB."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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