Pig Accused of Setting Fire in NY Barn, Threatens Lawsuit

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 16 January 2012

image for Pig Accused of Setting Fire in NY Barn, Threatens Lawsuit
He's innocent until proven guilty.

A pig (the animal, not the human, variety) in upstate NY has been accused of knocking off the top of a hot water heater and starting a fire in a barn. Uh-oh.

Experts opined that the perp in this case was curious about the water heater; hence he set events in motion that caused the fire. "That's tripe," oinked the accused pig. He admitted that he may be gluttonous, but not curious, joking, "The only thing I'm curious about is where my next meal is coming from. And when. Curiosity killed the cat, y'know. I can't risk it. Unlike a cat, I don't have nine lives."

And the pig is furious that nobody has listened to HIS side of the story. Wearing a blue pin-striped business suit with a special slot for his curly little tail, he stood on all fours next to his attorney and held a news conference yesterday in Grand Central Station in NYC. He oinked, "Please remember that I'm innocent until proven guilty. It's the American way." He summarized the case against him, saying, "No eyewitnesses willing to testify, no DNA, and no video of the event in question. In short, no credible evidence at all. The prosecutors have bupkis. If they keep yapping about my guilt, I plan to sue."

A few minutes later, the pig looked at his watch and called an end to the press conference. "It's time for my lunch," he said. "Not even legal troubles can cause me to miss a meal."

On the way out, though, he did pause for a moment to look back and remind the dispersing crowd of a comment by Sir Winston Churchill: "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

Enough said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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