Nottingham News for W/E 31 Dec 2011 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Saturday, 31 December 2011

image for Nottingham News for W/E 31 Dec 2011 - with comments
Okay! - but not when driving please!

25 Dec 2011: Drunk driver left 'housebound' by ban for being over the limit
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
A disabled pensioner claimed he would be left "housebound" once banned from driving after being found drunk at the wheel. Neil Craig, 69, of Raglan Court, Beeston, is the third driver to be named and shamed in the Post's Christmas anti-drink driving campaign, 'None for the Road'.

Craig was disqualified from driving for 12 months and fined £100 at Nottingham Magistrates' Court earlier this week.

He admitted drink-driving in his Volvo in Marlborough Road, Beeston, on Tuesday, December 6. A breath test revealed 45 microgrammes of alcohol in 100 millilitres of breath. The legal limit is 35 microgrammes.

A driver for 50 years, Craig told sentencing Judge Morris Cooper his thoughts on the ban: "It's not just a year. It's my life down the pan." Craig responded: "Sir, this has put me housebound now."

The court heard in mitigation that his appearance in front of the judge was devastating day for him. Craig is 69 and about to turn 70, which will require him to reapply for his driving licence.

Judge Cooper said it was not the first time Craig had been before the court for drink driving but that the previous instance was a long time ago.

"Good, let him suffer. What if he had hit someone, and killed them? There are too many innocent victims of various crimes, and what of the family members of victims, I really feel empathy for them, not the alcohlic scum!"

Names of shame to date there are 69:

Drunk drivers shamed to date

26 Dec 2011: Woman found stabbed to Death in Nottingham
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
A woman who was found dead in Bilborough on Christmas Day died from stab wounds, according to a Home Office post-mortem.

Officers from Notts Police were called to a house in Bosden
Close just before 3.45pm.

They found a woman's body and a man who had also sustained injuries, which are not believed to be life threatening. He remains in the Queen's Medical Centre.

'In Nottingham? Surely not!'

27 Dec 2011: Protesters bungle graffiti attack on Ken Clarke's Garage Doors
Category: Protest
'Nottingham Evening Post'
They pinned six photos of crying children below it and left a coffin, cuddly toys and an empty Santa Claus suit "to signify the death of fatherhood".

The group, who call themselves New Fathers 4 Justice, sparked a security scare when they broke into the garden of Mr Clarke's constituency home in West Bridgford, Nott's, and daubed his garage doors.

Unfortunately they scrawled Christmas, without an 'H', losing the impact of the original protest message.

"This error has been in the news - but not the concerns of the Fathers?"

27 Dec 2011: Man attacked when he disturbed burglars
Category: Crime

'This is Nottingham'
A man was attacked with his own Wii Fit board after disturbing two brothers who were burgling his home.

Andrew Brown was left with two black eyes and cuts and bruises all over his body after discovering Ash and Jay Tarling in his bedroom.

At Nottingham Crown Court Jay Tarling, 24, of Sneinton Boulevard was sentenced to four years in prison for the burglary, and one year for the assault on Mr Brown, which will be served consecutively.

Ash Tarling, 23, of no fixed address, was sentenced to three years in prison for the burglary and one year for assault, also to be served consecutively.

A third person involved in the burglary was never caught.


28 Dec 2011: Nottinghamshire pensioner stabbed to death!
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
Residents in Rainworth have spoken of their shock after a pensioner died following a single stab wound to the chest.

Seventy-year-old Harry Tindall, of Pearl Close, was found in the street. He was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.

Police were called to Pearl Close at about midday on Boxing Day, after reports of what police called a "violent assault"

Last night, Jeffrey Burton, 60, also of Pearl Close, was charged with murdering him. He was in police custody and was due to appear at Mansfield Magistrates' Court today.

"How I fear for mankind!"

30 Dec 2011: Police called out to the 'Walkabout' Pub 89 times in 6 months
Category: Crime
'Nottingham Evening Post'
Notts Police Authority chairman Jon Collins, who was speaking out as the Post revealed that police were called out 5,880 times to incidents either in or outside Notts pubs and bars between December 2010 and November 2011.

"How do they afford to drink so much nowadays?" (Jealous none-drinker reporting)

30 Dec 2011: Two men are charged over horse thefts

Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
Six horses aged between one and 26 years were taken from the paddock in Whinbush Lane on July 9. When they were found, two were in such poor health they had to be put down.

"I suppose it makes a change from, pensioners being robbed and mugged, drunk drivers, stabbings, and rioting?"

31 Dec 2011: Man crashed car after drinking cider
Category: Crime - Alcoholism
'This is Nottingham'

Alcoholics Anonymous member was more than twice the drink-drive limit when his car left the road and hit a tree.

The wife of 33-year-old Mario Santos called police to their Wollaton home on December 17 after the crash in Eastcote Avenue, Bramcote.
Green was caught on Ilkeston Road in the city centre driving a Vauxhall Vectra. He was banned from driving for a year and fined £300.

'Another potential killer driving in Nottingham!'

31 Dec 2011: Metal thieves on rampage in Notts as price of scrap soars!
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
The lead stolen from the roof of St John the Evangelist Church, in Carrington, was probably only worth a couple of hundred pounds - But damage caused when the roof leaked, flooding a newly refurbished area of the church, ran into thousands of pounds.

"The police don't necessarily have the resources to cover huge expanses of rural land so we do that job," he said.
"We are supporting them and hand over whatever we see." He added that Gurkhas used night vision goggles and thermal imaging cameras to catch thieves at night.

"I'm not surprised at this in the least, I live a few hundred yards away from St John's church. On a street that had suffered eleven break-ins, three diversion burglaries, a stabbing, a sexual assault, an arson attack, four muggings (I was the victim in of them), eight criminal damage, twenty-two antisocial crimes, and eighteen vehicle crimes so far this year!"

31 Dec 2011: Something to cheer and be proud about at last in Nottingham!
Category: Charity
'The Nottingham Evening Post'
A selection of the fundraising that has been done in Notts this year:
Pulse Associates staff and friends took part in a 21-mile kayak challenge along the River Trent to raise more than £1,500 for When You Wish Upon a Star.

Martin Shelton, of Bingham, who gave up football after a serious motorbike accident, collected £350 for the Derbyshire, Leicestershire and Rutland Air Ambulance with his grandma June Peacock.

Inner-city youngsters united with Notts police officers and staff to raise more than £1,000 in a charity football match against former Nottingham Forest stars at Hucknall Town's ground. The money went to Nottingham Children's Hospital, at the Queen's Medical Centre.

Sophie Campbell-Bass, 14, of Sherwood, organised a concert, raising £2,500 to help others. She gave the money to mental health charity Young Minds.

Staff and regulars at a the Nags Head, Woodborough, hand over £10,000 to When You Wish Upon a Star after events including quiz nights, cycle rides and golf days.

Businessman Matthew Tucker has already raised £3,175 as he prepares for a trek across the Sahara Desert in February. The money is being given to Beaumond House Community Hospice in Newark.

Serving and former soldiers and their families and friends raised more than £830 in aid of Help for Heroes in a band showcase at The Old Spot in Daybrook.

Friends and family of late St Ann's father Kasseam Chatterie raise £2,250 in a memorial day in St Ann's. The money was given to Nottingham City Hospital's Berman 2 ward, where Kasseam was treated for a rare form of cancer.

Mums Angela MacKenzi and Rosario Hannigan presented a cheque for £19,819 to Notts Macmillan Cancer Support. They held coffee mornings and a ball at the East Midlands Conference Centre in September, attended by 270.

Father and son Andy and Kurt Toms, of Bulwell, raised more than £11,000 for children's charity When You Wish Upon A Star by completing 900 miles of canoe races in a year.

"I wanted to end the year on a hgh note!"

A Happy New Year to all!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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