Hull Man Awarded Damages After Getting Cock Trapped In Zip

Written by Moys Kenwood

Friday, 8 November 2019

image for Hull Man Awarded Damages After Getting Cock Trapped In Zip
Ouch! You motherfucker!

A man who was injured when he trapped his penis in the zip of his jeans recently, has been awarded record damages of 50p.

The man snagged his cock as he hastily tried to fasten his flyhole after having a piss in a shop doorway in Hull town centre last January. He had been in a rush to catch 'The Last Bus' which had already arrived at the bus stop, and was about to depart, the final passenger having boarded.

The loose skin on the shaft of the man's knob was caught and pulled into the teeth of the zip, and dragged further in as the victim mistakenly tugged the zip frantically upwards in a bid to free his appendage.

Pubic hair was also removed.

The incident happened after the 'victim' went for a night out with friends in various public houses in the city, during which a 'large amount' of alcohol was consumed. Unable to hold his bladder until he had got home, the man - who must remain anonymous due to the embarrassment it would cause me - decided to unload in the doorway of a local charity shop where a tramp was already fast asleep - with disastrous consequences.

Presiding over the case for damages against jeans manufacturer Cockinzip Jeans at Hull Crown Court, Judge Michael Columninches said:

"This is an unfortunate case of bad luck where the victim innocently had a 'gipsy's' in a shop doorway, and was let down by the rather-too-efficient fastening qualities of his zip."

He went on:

"Although I fully recognise the fact that this man should have 'tied a knot in it' until he had reached the safety of his own khazi, I feel that jeans zippers like this probably do more harm than we often hear about, such is the embarrassment caused to the zippee."

And on:

"I therefore feel it appropriate to award damages in the sum of 50p - and for it to paid in full in pennies."

Then he banged his hammer thingy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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