As the Raving Loonie sculptor is hard at work in her workshop, she is not aware that only 20 yards away a gang of subo fanatics are planning a raid on her Police Box workshop in the Grassmarket, Edinburgh.
Guarding the Police Box, 4 kilted Samurai warriors, stand motionless, their vigil broken only by the need to spend a penny. They are fortunate to have an Edinburgh City Council public convenience nearby. Behind this loo hide the fanatics. A Samurai goes to spend 20p, that's inflation for you, and spies through the boarded up loo window the fanatics hiding in some undergrowth. He hums, I dreamed a dream to himself nonchalantly, as he sits on the throne.
He roars, to attract the attention of the other Samurai and their geisha comfort ladies. He roars again in Japanese and a geisha rushes to hand him some toilet paper through a crack in the loo door. (No, she does not wipe his bum that would be gross).
Finished his morning George, he struts towards the Police Box and animatedly gesticulates towards the fanatics. Two Samurai rush to surround the cowering fanatics.
The Raving Loonie, hearing the commotion, looks out and smiles. "Nutters", she mutters.
Suddenly, the Samurai stand bolt upright and bow low as they greet Miss Susan Boyle walking through the Grassmarket with notbannedfan and Mrs A-M.
"Lovely day " she smiles, "hello Loonie, what is happening here?" The Raving Loonie sculptor explains and Miss Boyle approaches the fanatics.
She stands before them, hands on hips and does her famous wiggle.
" Red scarves, fanatics, Happy and Clappy, fansite, numpties, bloody blessings, Piersy Baby, Amanda who?, council hoose, meet and greet" Miss Boyle is reported to have said, right in their faces, "I ain't bovvered, I ain't even bovvered".
"Get me Inspector Rebus, he's in the Greyfriars Bobby Bar", Miss Boyle, orders her Samurai warriors.
"aye, nae bather, ye want a Tennents Lager boys?" responds a Samurai.