'The Susan' is in the news AGAIN

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 20 March 2010

image for 'The Susan' is in the news AGAIN
This is ONE colour Susan Boyle would not be caught DEAD wearing. When she sees anything RED she recoils.

Yes, it's true, 'The Susan' IS in the news yet again. (As if she ever left. Ha! Ha!)

Susan is truly enjoying her life at present. She has one problem. Well - maybe two. Susan desperately wants to sing some new songs and desperately wants some new frocks.

Who the hell can blame her? She is truly a sweetheart but must be bored to death singing other people's songs and wearing other people's ideas of 'stage attire'.

It's reported that she would dearly love to perform in a kilt. Yes, you read that correctly a kilt to honour her Scottish roots.

Susan also has told 'her people' that she truly would enjoy handing out signed 'haggis' at the end of each of her performances, to every audience member. She would also like to give out coupons for free bottles of Irn Bru to all who attend her concerts.

These requests are being 'considered'.

One serious concern of Susan's is, quote:

"Those weird people wearing Red Scarves seem to be a little disturbed. I've met a few and I must say, they scared me. I hope they have as much support from family and friends that I do enjoy.

"I know the Priory fees are very high, but I also heard that some of those 'happy clappies' are married to very wealthy men.

"I believe that they would benefit from a stay at The Priory."

Susan then paused for 30 seconds and continued:

"On second thoughts, I don't think they should enter The Priory."

On being asked 'Why?' Susan answered,

"Well, because you see....the staff at The Priory are so very, very nice. I wouldn't wish any harm to come to any one of them.

I'm thinking now that I should 'discourage' The Priory from taking in these freaks of nature. The Staff just don't deserve it. I hope they will forgive me for even suggesting it."

Susan ended the interview here because she had to go and feed Pebbles.

It didn't go without notice that the 'wee wifie' seems to be losing her Scottish accent. Maybe that's just for interviews.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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