Somewhere in a secret location in Edinburgh, sits a sculpture that has been seen only by a few. We have not seen it and those who have are sworn to keep the secret. A dangerous band of middle aged, menopausal women, are desperately searching for clues to the location of the one and only "Idadlady".
There is only one known digital picture, stored in the Sony vaults in Sonyville, Japan. Simon Cowell has seen the picture and has not stopped counting advance orders of Miss Boyle's second CD since. Piers Morgan, has not seen it and the bold boy will not be permitted a sneaky peek. It is reported that Amanda Holden, has joined the hunt for the "Idadlady"so that she can batter it to bits with the excess botox she is carrying round her fat arse.
The sculpture is guarded day and night by 4 Samurai warriors loyal only to the Japanese Emperor and the Sony Corporation. They wear full Highland Dress to fit in with the locals. They are also learning to play the bagpipes to scare off evil spirits. They are under orders, not to allow anyone near the sculpture. It is reported that 4 curious tourists ventured too close and ended up headless their corpses thrown into waste bins nearby. Geishas attend to the Samurai's every need but cannot get used to shopping at Tesco as they are too small to push the trollies.
The sculpture, not yet it in it's finished state, is being lovingly created by an Iberian Susan Boyle fan who is working day and night to finalise the project. She describes herself as a Raving Loonie, who's Red Knicker Association of Scotland keeps her supplied with enough single malt to help her concentrate on the work. An expert in the field has described the sculpture as not a Venus de Milo, nor a Venus Williams but still a valuable commemoration of the victory and success of Susan Boyle the Scottish singer. Miss Boyle has seen the unfinished work and reckoned it would look perfect in the back garden of her council house if she could stop the birds shitting on it.
As word has crept out of the sculpture, demanding fanatics are using a fansite to launch an Internet campaign to have the sculpture toured throughout North America. Fans are being asked to click a link on the fansite to donate $25 a click to the campaign. So far, $150000 has been collected and transferred to an unknown bank account in Switzerland. Thousands of requests have been made for a picture or video to be found but as yet, the fans have not seen the sculpture. Sadly, some hoax pictures have been posted on the fansite only to be swiftly removed by the Mods. An American lady has offered Sony any price for the sculpture. She wishes to install at the Susan Boyle shrine on her roof terrace in Brooklyn, New York. She will con other subo fanatics into contributing 10% of their weekly income for the upkeep of the shrine.
Our Raving Loonie sculptor has vowed, over my dead, drunk body.