A soldier today told how he was really mortified that Prince Charles was still alive. Gunner Peter Parfitt said "He was alive when I went out to fight for Queen and Country. He is still alive now that I'm coming back. The thing is, he keeps crying and saying how dreadful it all is. So where did he get the fucking medals from?"
Prince Charles was quick to claim that he had many friends on the front line. Well, quite close anyway. "I know General Sir Henry Drinks-Cabinet, and Field Marshall Lord Nutter. They are based in Godalming, so they are actually quite close to what is going on".
The Queen was unavailable for comment.