Jacqui Smith due to accept 'complete responsibility' before her shock resignation

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Friday, 1 May 2009

image for Jacqui Smith due to accept 'complete responsibility' before her shock resignation
Miss Smith (pictured) may also be responsible for the recent slip-ups at the Commons' photo library

Beleaguered Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has been set a new task by her cabinet colleagues, according to a secret report. Her new role is to attempt to collect the blame for all the Labour Party's problem issues over the next few weeks.

So far she has taken responsibility for the recent voting defeats on MP's expenses and the rules concerning Gurkha 'right to residence'.

One source said that Gordon Brown considered Miss Smith to be the 'party's dustpan' and that her job now was to take the blame for all the recent catastrophes that have occurred. It is believed that, if not for this important new job, the Home Secretary would have been forced to resign several weeks ago.

Jacqui Smith was quite open about the role when she spoke to reporters this morning. "I'm pleased to announce that operation scapegoat is underway, and I shall be busy setting myself up as the focus of the nation's wrath."

When reporters suggested that Miss Smith had actually been responsible for many of the problems, she responded: "Aha, it's all going to plan then."

Under the new scheme, the Home Secretary is expected to take the blame for at least one new crisis each day. Likely candidates over the next week or so include the unpopularity of the new 50% tax rate, the re-allocation of all the troops coming back from Iraq to Afghanistan, the failure to control the swine flu outbreak and the gaoling of radical dissident Joanna Lumley.

Once the cabinet is satisfied that Miss Smith has soaked up as much responsibility as possible, she will announce her resignation. After a short break spending more time with her family she will quietly be appointed to the boards of several companies in secret recognition of the sacrifice she has made. A book deal will follow, and if by any stretch of the imagination the government is re-elected, a new cabinet role will be made available in due course.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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