Not content with targeting gay people (sometimes called lesbians or homosexuals) the Church of England is now targeting thespians throughout the country.
Archbishop Richard Head - Dick to his friends - of Telford has condemned thespians throughout the country simply because their descriptive name sounds a bit off, especially if you have a lisp.
It seems that the parish of Telford is so excruciatingly dull that the Archbishop didn't really have much to do, hence the reason he came up with this novel method of insulting another section of the community.
In future, the Archbishop wants all thespians to refer to themselves as actors, except of course for those who appear in "Home and Away". He said:
"I have noticed that the one thing all thespians have in common is that they are actors. So why not call them actors?
"This may appear to be radical, but at least it gets away from the word 'thespian'."
Archbishop Richard Head wears extremely funny clothes on a Sunday and can be seen in the 15th Century. His claim to fame is the invention of the statement, later popularised in a BBC comedy programme - "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition".