Senior Policeman Found Guilty Of Serious Sexual Acts

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 16 August 2007


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Meet me for sex?

A senior police officer who met a woman for sex in a London hotel whilst on duty, has been cleared of a serious misconduct charge.

A jury at Southwark Crown Court took less than ten minutes to find British Transport Police Inspector Manhood Khan, 41, not guilty of wilful misconduct, but guilty of the lesser charge of aggravated muntering.

The case against Mr Khan had arisen after he ordered an escort from Munters-R-Us, a well-known supplier of horny old bleached-blond pub slappers who are down on their luck.

Not understanding 'irony', the Inspector dressed smartly and bought flowers, before driving to the hotel in November 2006, where he met Glenda Slagg, a 61-year-old grandmother from Anywhere in Essex.

Miss Slagg, who had been arrested "on numerous occasions" in the past, for sleeping on railway station benches, immediately recognised the hapless policeman, and doubled her fee. Mr Khan told Slagg he had only brought 200 rupees, and an argument ensued, during which, it was alleged, several hurtful insults were thrown by Mr Khan.

Summing up yesterday, Justice Shambles QC told Khan:

"You are are in our country now, not in Bombay or whatever you call it these days. This kind of behaviour from a senior policeman in uniform is totally unacceptable. Please be more discerning when organising 'company' in the future."

Mr Khan apologised to the Court, and said he regretted his actions claiming that he thought he was off-duty, or from an ethnic background that was under-represented in the Police community, whichever worked for the jury.

He was sentenced to 'remain in the Police force for the rest of his natural life', and was led away to start a new shift.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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