Iraq Insurgents Dispute Osama Timetable, Funding

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Thursday, 24 May 2007

image for Iraq Insurgents Dispute Osama Timetable, Funding
Disputes under Osama's crescent moon

The Iraq War showed another twist today when Al Jazeera reported an internal dispute within the insurgents.

The problem started with a scroll/memo from Osama bin Laden. The terrorist leader set forth a timetable for the insurgency to obtain certain objectives if they want to continue receiving funds and martyrs from al-Qaeda. Osama's memo, sent in late April, prompted the early May killing of al-Qaeda's leader in Iraq, Abu Ayyub al-Masri, by Sunni insurgents.

Discontent with the proposed schedule is not limited to Sunnis, with criticism coming from the Shia Militia, including Muqtada al-Sadr, Ba'athists, Sunni Islamists belonging to the Ikhwan movement, Marxists, as well as from the small but growing Iraqi Secular Humanists.

Sunni Islamist leader Sheikh Hareth al-Dhari, speaking to Al Jazeera, said that Osama's "timetable is unrealistic. He expects us to capture George Bush and Dick Cheney within six months. And if we fail, he reduces funding by 25% and martyrs by 50%. We just can't work with this guy. Maybe he should come out of his cave, get over here, and work with us."

Bin Laden could not be reached for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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