President Bush: Fight in Iraq Essential to American Security

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Saturday, 26 May 2007

image for President Bush: Fight in Iraq Essential to American Security
President Bush Gives Speech at the United States Coast Guard Academy

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - United States Coast Guard Academy, New London, Connecticut - May 23, 2007 President George W. Bush made a speech at the United States Coast Guard Academy.

As he began his speech, he said, "It's a privilege to stand with the future leaders of the United States Coast Guard. Before you receive your degrees today, I want to make sure that you have learned your "indoc." What is the Coast Guard?"

It's a shame that the President didn't even know what the Coast Guard was, considering that he was rumored to have served in a sister organization, Texas Air National Guard.

The somewhat embarrassed cadet replied, "Mr. President, the Coast Guard is the hard nucleus about which the Navy forms in times of war, sir!"

"I probably shouldn't relay that to the Secretary of the Navy," said President Bush, fearing that relaying the information to the Secretary of the Navy might expose him for failing to know what the Coast Guard actually was... especially since he doesn't even know what the Navy is.

President Bush continued, as reported on,

"I see a few "RCF* Warriors" out there. Some of you earned demerits for failing to correct your storage [sic], others got caught crawling under the fence on your way to Connecticut College. (Laughter.) However you got bagged, help has arrived. (Laughter.) In keeping with longstanding tradition, I hereby absolve all cadets who are on restriction for minor conduct offenses. (Applause.) I'll leave it to Admiral Burhoe to define exactly what "minor" means. (Laughter.)

President Bush went on to explain how he thought that the War in Iraq was essential to American Security.

The crowd could hardly contain their laughter at the president, though most of them are loyal Bush supporters. Even Bush's supporters can't help laughing at his misadventures into the English language. President Bush must be forgiven, though, as English isn't his first language. He was brought up speaking German, learning it from old tapes of Adolph Hitler while on CIA mind control drugs that his father provided. Most of the Corrupt Bastards Club and most loyal Bush supporters are already aware of this fact, which is why they helped rig the polls to put him in office in the first place.

* Republican Club of Falcon - a sub-chapter of the Corrupt Bastards Club

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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