Useless government minister Ruth Kelly has called for some more Bank Holidays to be added to the list of other public holidays already washed out by Britain's inclement weather. She has proposed that one of them could be named "Britain Day", when all that is good about the nation could be celebrated.
On the chosen day, as yet undecided, immigrants could enter a competition, or undergo a test, to establish their suitability for British citizenship. Skills in moaning, gossiping, binge drinking, and sipping tea will be assessed, as well as aptitude in other cultural English characteristics such as 'queueing for a bus in the rain' and 'castle knowledge'.
Even PM-elect Gordon Brown got involved, telling the House of Commons that D-Day (6 June) would be his choice, and that, in his opinion, the Union Jack should be "hung from every bedroom window in England" to demonstrate National Pride.
Kelly's proposal was met with anger from Muslim leaders who, in a counterproposal, suggested July 7 as the only day worth celebrating from a Muslim standpoint. On this day, they said, Muslims would grow long beards and "look shifty".
The debate continues.