Written by Doppelbock

Monday, 4 June 2007

image for Easter Island Statue Begs for Somebody to Scratch his Nose
Easter Island statue just wants his nose scratched.

EASTER ISLAND (AP Newsliar) -- Breaking a seven hundred year long vow of silence, Matumanaraku -- one of the giant "moai" statue heads found throughout Easter Island -- pleaded for somebody to scratch his nose.

"Hey, you!" he shouted. "Hey reporter guy, you with the camera and notebook! C'mere and scratch my nose for me, please! PLEASE, I'm fucking BEGGING you!"

"I'm buried up to my fucking neck here," he went on. "It ain't gonna scratch itself, now get over here! Please, oh fucking PLEASE! Holy Mother of God, will somebody just SCRATCH! MY! FUCKING! NOSE!"

Matumanaraku continued: "Oh, you stupid fucking seagull, if you shit on my head one more time, THAT is fucking ALL SHE WROTE for you, bucko."

Unfortunately, all the statue's entreaties were spoken in an ancient proto-dialect of the long extinct Old Rapanui language, which passersby -- including the seagull -- could not understand.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Easter Island




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
44 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more