Prince Harry’s memoirs broke a record in nonfiction book sales, but not everybody’s thrilled with the Duke of Sussex. Especially controversial is a passage in which the prince discusses getting frostbite on his “todger” during an ill-advised trip to the North Pole.
“Todger” reached the top of Google’s search list for three weeks in a row, making for a record three billion views.
Talk show host Stephen Colbert joked about the passage with Harry himself, on American TV.
“What’s a todger?” Colbert asked, noting, “We don’t have that word here.”
Harry quickly shot back, “You wanna see?”
“I see,” Colbert responded, “Here we call that a pecker, or maybe a wanger.”
Colbert barely had time to make a funny face for his audience before Harry had unzipped his trousers and taken out his much-abused member and slammed it down on the table.
“I say,” Colbert said, “that is quite a todger indeed.”
“Yeah, itn’t it though?” came the reply.
Much of the attention focuses on a disturbing Freudian passage in which Harry thinks about his mother while applying Elizabeth Arden cream to his member. “My mother used that cream on her lips,” he writes. “How could I use the cream of my mother’s lips on my battered todger? The soaring drama was too much for my fevered brain. I felt woozy,a nd could only think of lips and cream, lips and cream.” Since the revelation of this passage, sales of Elizabeth Arden cream have been soaring. Sales of old ladies, not so much.
The prince admits he’s gotten feedback to the effect he’s being too forward in talking about the Royal Member. Meghan even privately asked him to stop talking so much about it.” It seems she’s tired of hearing about my private parts in the news. “But,” he adds with a wink, “she’s got no complaints about in the bedroom.
“I was cooking, and I must have left the oven door open and gotten a bit too close. When one has a burning sensation of that sort, it leads to quite a bit of panic. Seeing the nether regions aflame is a sight you’re never able to forget, I can tell you that.
“Next thing you know I was beating the old todger with a hot spatula. Yes, the old boy took quite a beating that day. I have to admit it led to a bit of fun. By which I mean, I had my jollies that day. Might as well have some fun, while waiting for the in-laws to arrive.”
Harry’s story becomes a little hazy at this point. “I remember a group of clowns entering my room, a whole circus full of clowns. And my mother, dressed as a clown, holding a lizard and singing. What do you suppose it all means? Ah well.”
The prince assures, “I do a lot of other things with my todger, I can tell you that. Enough for a whole book. It would make a great movie, don’t you think?”
