Once upon a time in a not so far off Kingdom that was not United, the new ruler, one Risky Balsak found himself up to his bhaji’s in economic chaos having inherited the ‘musical’ seat of power after the music had stopped!
The previous incumbent and full time evil Witch, Elizabeth ‘Chucky’ Truss having finally been unceremoniously exiled to oblivion by the court jesters having created a perfect shitstorm that now prevailed across the Kingdom.
Having appointed his faithful lackey, Jeremiah ‘can I fix it’ Hunt as Chancellor of the crumbling Exchequer and his part-time on/off shag Suellen Beaverman as Home Sexretary Risky prayed to Krishna day and night that he might at least get a few weeks in the exulted position prior to numerous razor sharp katars penetrating his shoulder blades!
But where to start? The entire Kingdom was awash with all manner of domestic ills, starvation rife and the peasants revolting by the hour, not forgetting that globally, Armageddon was imminent, “Fuck it, I think I’ll order a Curry to help loosen my bowels and clear my head” he thought.
Having gorged himself on an extra hot Phaal Risky retired to the court latrines to clear both his head and lower extremities finally emerging three days later with far less on his mind and armed with a cunning plan.
With a Dickensian Christmas on the horizon Risky knew that the peasants urgently needed some uplifting news to brighten what would otherwise be a poverty stricken Yuletide.
What better to cheer the starving masses up than to promise to rid the land of migrant vermin, the latter fast becoming epidemic and out of control.
Summoning Suellen to his chambers for a quick blow job he suggested she make a few inflammatory remarks concerning the migrant hordes, thus causing a riot of condemnation with the media and woke brigade.
This, he deduced would keep the media occupied at least until the New Year thus diverting attention from both his and Jeremiah’s nefarious schemes to tax the peasants still further.
Being mindful of heretofore ‘January Sales’ and being nobody’s fool, such a diversion would also allow him to both locate and book a cheap holiday deal in readiness for his overthrow!
In short, nobody lived happily ever after except the rich and powerful!
