Whitechapel Named European District of Rupture

Funny story written by Danny Soz

Sunday, 26 June 2022

image for Whitechapel Named European District of Rupture
The coveted, Golden Truss of Montreaux. Notice how its 'goldness' has faded down the years due to wear and tear and so on

The people of Whitechapel were in jubilant mood last night after beating off stiff competition from over five hundred major towns across Europe to win the prestigious, European District of Rupture Award, the first East London area ever to do so.

Each year, the prestigious, Golden Truss of Montreaux, is awarded to the town or district which can boast the highest number of people per square mile who are suffering from a rupture.

Whitechapel narrowly pipped Berne in Switzerland for the crown by notching up an estimated 67 rupturees, compared to 63 from their Swiss rivals.

Whitechapel's Mayor, The Honourable Toby Dell, MBE, told newsmen: "This is a huge accolade for the area and a tribute to its people.

"I knew that a lot of people round here were ruptured but I had no idea it was this many.

"I'm actually ruptured myselfin point of fact but was unable to be counted because of my high office and vested interest in the outcome, otherwise, we'd have thrashed the others by even more"

Whitechapel's triumph comes just a year after Bermondsey in South London won the highly prized, World District of Erectile Dysfunction Award, for a record fourth year in succession.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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