Following the recent exodus of many MP from Westminster culture minister Nadine Dorries has her eyes on a bigger desk.
'When I am out talking about the importance of London Ballet, London Theatre and London recitals to the plebs in the outer reaches of the North, I am thinking about my plush office in Westminster, and how it just isn't big enough.'
Fellow Westminster bod Norris Wotsit said 'Yes, it is sad that so many people are leaving, but at least I can get to the kettle for my tea a lot sooner than I usually can'.
Nadine continued 'People are always complaining about the lack of culture in their areas, but at the Cultural secretary providing funding and cultural opportunities in area that aren't London isn't really what I want to be doing. These people can read my books if they want some culture'.
They could Nadine Dorries, but have they not suffered enough as it is?
