Uber drivers must be able to speak English before getting lost or crashing into other vehicles, says TFL

Funny story written by Danny Soz

Friday, 15 April 2022

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image for Uber drivers must be able to speak English before getting lost or crashing into other vehicles, says TFL
An Uber pictured on its way to pick up a fare last night

Transport for London were under fire from the app-based private hire company, Uber, last night after they ruled that all drivers employed by the company must undergo strict testing to make sure that they meet new guidelines designed to ensure that all private hire drivers can get hopelessly lost as well as crash into other vehicles or inanimate roadside objects in English.

A spokesperson for Uber told newsmen last night: "We see this measure as totally over the top and unnecessary.

'If TFL insists on this punitive directive, thousands of our drivers will be out of work overnight.

'It's absolutely crazy. They'll be asking our drivers to take a written grammar test before sexually assaulting lone female passengers next"

The move has been welcomed by The Licensed Taxi Drivers Association, however.

A spokesman told BBC London: "Black cabs don't get lost, nor do we park in the middle of busy roads, crash into traffic lights or molest female passengers. However, if necessary, our drivers could definitely fulfil all these criteria with a full working knowledge of The Queen's English"

We asked an Uber driver for his reaction yesterday, but he couldn't understand a word we were saying and sped away before driving into the back of a parked Honda Civic.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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