Boris Johnson comes up with 6 point plan to defeat Putin

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Tuesday, 8 March 2022

image for Boris Johnson comes up with 6 point plan to defeat Putin
Putin is so called because he likes to poo in a tin

This morning, Prime Minister Boris Johnson published his 6 point plan to help Ukraine win their fight against Vladimir Putin.

The plan will be carried out by Johnson personally:

1. Ask Boris's Russian chums to keep quiet about funding the Tories.

2. Give a big speech about how well Johnson is doing at defeating Putin.

3. Arrange a phone call with Putin and tell him to stop being so mean. If he refuses to talk then claim a moral victory.

4. Write a story in the right wing UK press about how well the 6-point plan is going.

5. Hold a referendum about whether Russian oligarchs should be sanctioned. Campaign for "Leave them alone".

6. Take all the credit when Russia loses the war, or if they win then blame Ukraine.

NATO allies have called the plan "worthless drivel", "a joke" and "typical Boris". Ukrainian president Zelensky laughed loudly when he heard it.

A spokesman for the UK government said, "This shows that once again, the UK is showing the way to a glorious future under Boris's leadership in competence."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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