Career Criminal Caught

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Saturday, 10 October 2020

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In a triumph for justice, a 56-year-old theft was finally solved today, and the perpetrator brought to book.

Eddie Gleeson, 97, of Middlesbrough, was arrested after a successful police sting outside the city's central library yesterday. Criminal mastermind Gleeson brazenly strode into the library 56 long years ago, and had boldly taken a copy of Geoffrey Faber's poetry anthology “The Buried Stream”.

Gleeson then hid the book at his sprawling, one-bedroomed estate all through the ensuing years, making damned sure no one else could enjoy the clever rhymes and limericks contained within the anthology's pages.

Police Chief David Wazzock, of Middlesbrough and Stockton police, said:

"We have been working in conjunction with Middlesbrough libraries for some time to bring down Mr Gleeson. We came up with the idea of a “book amnesty” to entice this career criminal out of hiding and it worked! When we saw him doddering up, we knew we were onto a winner. Obviously we had to wait until he dropped the book into the deposit slot, but we knew we had our man."

Gleeson, who had two convictions from his teens for “loitering”, tried to make a run for it, but was pursued by two riot vans and a police helicopter. He was eventually brought down after a net was thrown on him.

Wazzock said:

"It was a good collar, and, let me tell you, it won’t be the last. We’ve set up sting operations all over the city, and fully expect to be taking down more seasoned criminals like Gleeson in the coming months.

Mr Gleeson died from a head wound suffered during the arrest.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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