Police Uncover Large Haul Of Rubber Bands

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 13 August 2020

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Useful for millions of things: rubber bands

Police acting on an anonymous tip-off have made what they are calling "a major coup", after a man was arrested, in broad daylight, carrying a plastic bag containing a large amount of rubber bands.

The man, in his 50s, was apprehended whilst walking through a shopping centre in Hull, and was questioned in a nearby police car.

Sergeant William Burke, of Humberside Police, said:

"We received information that this individual might be carrying something dodgy, so we decided to investigate, and found him in possession of an unnaturally large amount of rubber bands."

Burke's colleague, P.C. John Divvy, said:

"When I was small, I used to call them 'laggy bands', Bill."

"Yes," said Divvy, "but that is a common mistake deriving from 'elastic bands', which they were not. Despite the fact that rubber bands have great 'elasticity', they are, in fact, rubber, not elastic."

The rubber bands, which were all that light brown colour, were placed in a storage room at the police station in a box marked 'rubber bands', and will be used to prevent old, extensive records and files from splitting at the seams and bursting open, and that sort of thing.

The suspect was released without charge, and without his rubber bands.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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