Joe Pasquale Makes Wedding Speech About Immigration

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 30 August 2020

image for Joe Pasquale Makes Wedding Speech About Immigration
Joe Pasquale (without his glasses)

Joe Pasquale, the Cockney Joe Pesci, who stunned listeners with his forthright views on Brexit recently, has done it again, this time on the extremely sensitive topic of immigration.

In front of a large gathering of guests at a wedding party he had been invited to, someone asked him about his stance on immigration.

Joe answered:

"Well, there's been a lot of controversy on this subject, especially here in Essex where there is a large immigrant population. My view, and I've thought long and hard about this, is that the world is one big country, and the 'countries' that we know of are just random 'pieces of land' that are on the face of Planet Earth, that have been 'cut up' and 'divided off' by whichever leader won a particular conquest or battle or war at that moment in time. A hundred years on, after further strife, the borders change. It's all a bit silly. They are concepts, ideas, not real. The birds don't know what a country is, nor do the ants. Unlike human beings, they don't need passports or visas, and are free to move about the surface of the earth at will, whenever the mood takes them, without seeking someone's permission. With that in mind, why do WE think WE can place restrictions on the free movement of people, and tell them where they can or can't live? It seems so terribly unfair."

There was a disquieting lull in the proceedings, as if the guests were grappling with Pasquale's words.

Then the funnyman said:

"Only joking. Send 'em all back!"

There were shrieks of laughter, and fits of uncontrolled mirth. Women cackled, and men spilt their beer trying to stay upright. Guests started to throw sandwiches and sausage rolls at each other, and Pasquale, himself, rubbed a cheesecake into the bride's face.

One of the guests, who managed to escape from the madness with his suit intact, said:

"I was under the apprehension that Joe Pasquale was a bit silly, an object of derision, and a clown, and, for a minute there, I was considering a re-think."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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