A man, who is usually in a permanent state of pre-heart attack incandescent rage, suddenly found he was conflicted as he felt calm and relaxed, which confused and annoyed him, but only slightly.
“I’m usually bitter and twisted with a huge chip on my shoulder,” said the middle-class, middle-aged man from Middlesborough, “my midlife crises mojo morphed into a mediocre, middling malaise and I couldn’t find anyone or anything to blame.”
“He drank 6 cups of coffee hoping to give himself palpitations,” said his patient wife, “but he accidentally drank decaf. I thought that error would make him explode, but no, nothing.”
“Then it suddenly hit me,” said the man, “we need an app for normal middle-aged men to look at in moments of calm, to remind them there are lots of things to get angry about, hence ‘The Angry App’.”
The fact-checked app contains forehead-vein-bursting revelations about virtue-signaling vegan celebrities, statue defacers, ‘and other reptiles,’ added the gleeful man. There are multiple sections such as; ‘And another thing’, ‘The problem with...’ and ‘What this country needs is...’
The app generates hours of irritation for family get-togethers, and for a real boost of stroke-inducing taxpayers' rage, there’s the ‘You won't see this in mainstream media as it doesn’t fit their narrative’, and the classic, ‘I’m not a racist, but...’
“His heart is pounding,” said his patient wife. “He’s so happy, and I’ve just doubled his life cover, so Me Too.”
