Factory Worker Wants Lockdown To Go On Forever

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 6 May 2020

image for Factory Worker Wants Lockdown To Go On Forever
Tatty is happy to comply - in perpetuity

A factory operative who has now been at home for six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn't mind "one bit", and that he hopes it goes on indefinitely.

Tatty Mullett, who works at a company making toilet seats, said that, as far as he is concerned, the lockdown came just at the right time, because he was thinking of leaving his shitty job anyway.

And, he says, the government's very kind offer to cover 80% of employees' wages is "an absolute godsend".

Scoffed Mullett:

"I always thought we were getting paid way too much, anyhow!"

He went on:

"I hate work. I hate the shit we make, the factory, the machinery, and the people. The people are the worst. Cunts!"

And on:

"Take my boss. I wish you would! He's always onto me for something. Last time, I was just having a quick nap, and he's there, threatening me with the sack. I hope he catches the virus! And coughs himself to death!"

And he's not keen on many of his workmates, either.

"Workmates? Workhates, more like! Tossers! Half the blokes are faggots, and the women are all slags or old tarts - often both. Real pieces of slimy dog turd."

As far as 'keeping busy' goes, the bogseat maker hasn't been wasting his time.

"I've been catching up on a few porno vids that mates sent me. Well, more than a few, to be fair."

And Tatty thinks there is a reasonable chance the lockdown might be extended:

"I'm an eternal optimist, and I hope this lockdown might be an eternal lockdown. You know, forever. And ever. Amen."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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