Man Fulfils Lifetime Ambition While Working From Home

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

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Enforced idleness has paid off for Colin Ladder in a big way: an astronaut, yesterday

The coronavirus lockdown has been a huge challenge worldwide, and the United Kingdom - and the Isle of Wight in particular - has been no exception.

But there are silver linings inside these COVID Clouds.

The UK is currently celebrating Brexit in the best way possible, by achieving the highest coronavirus death total in Europe. What a way to say: "take that, Brussels Bureaucrats! We'd never have achieved that under your thumbs, Barnier and Juncker! Rule Britannia!"

And on the Isle of Wight, being forced to work from home finally allowed one man to fulfil his life-long career dream, yesterday.

"Being forced to work from home finally allowed me to fulfil my life-long career dream, yesterday", rejoiced Colin Ladder, for it was he, yesterday.

Ladder, 63, who lives alone in a former Mole-Catcher's hut in Mottistone, explained that he was ecstatic to have been able to achieve his ambition after many years of striving and yearning, and that he was enjoying being able to have the last laugh at all the people who have mocked him over the years.

"I am ecstatic to have been able to achieve my ambition after many years of striving and yearning, and I am enjoying being able to have the last laugh at all the people who have mocked me over the years," he explained.

"People have always laughed at my name and my ambitions, saying things like 'you'll have to start on the first rung', 'have you rung up the Job Centre for vacancies?' and 'will you climb to the very top?' he said. "But now I can say "now I have made it, I can pull the ladder up and laugh down at you!"

For Colin Ladder had been struggling to work from his Mottistone home as a Whelk Stall Owner following the enforced closure of his Freshwater whelk stall during the current lockdown. He had tried to offer a takeaway service but (a) he couldn't get the whelks and (b) people were not interested because he was no longer at the seaside.

"The problem was, or were, that (a) I couldn't get the whelks and (b) people were not interested because I was no longer at the seaside," he explained, yesterday.

But enforced idleness has paid off for Colin in a big way.

"Enforced idleness has paid off for me in a big way", he explained.

"I got to thinking, again, of my dream of being an astronaut, which I have had to shelve, in order to concentrate on running the whelk stall," he went on.

"I thought, now's my chance! I did lots of shopping online, for big things like furniture, guitars and gardening equipment, so as to obtain big cardboard boxes. And I bought a load of kitchen foil and a large-sized goldfish bowl.

"I fashioned a makeshift Space Module out of the cardboard, made myself a Space Suit from the foil, and topped it all off by using the goldfish bowl as a Space Helmet.

"Of course, I didn't just jump into this. I've done lots of training in my spare time, spinning round in the back yard, and learning to sit upside down on my sofa for long periods, and this has really paid off.

"I can now emulate the early ventures of Yuri Gagarin or Alan Shepard in my own living room, and I hope to work my way up to the Apollo Missions in time," Ladder enthused.

"How many people, let alone whelk stall owners forced to work from home, can truthfully say as much?" he finally asked, yesterday.

And surely nobody can gainsay that!

All across the UK, we are sure there will be many such stories of individuals triumphing against the odds. With this kind of spirit, we'll beat this virus yet!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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