Captain Tom Outlines Plans For Money

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 1 May 2020

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The dolly birds will be all over Captain Tom!

Captain Tom Moore, the man who has raised more than £32million by walking around his garden, was 100 years old on Thursday, and spent yesterday talking to journalists about the massive amount of cash donated by the public, and what he's going to do with it.

The centenarian, 100, started by thanking those who had contributed to the cause.

He said:

"It's wonderful. My gratitude knows no bounds, so please keep sending the money in!"

Tom, a former British Army officer who served in Burma during the Second World War, was a relative unknown just a few weeks ago, but has captured the hearts of the British public with his extraordinary efforts to raise cash.

He went on:

"I've always fancied a Rolls Royce, so I might get one of those! And I need a new sandwich maker as well. The rest, I'll just have to put it aside for a rainy day, I suppose." *


* SNOWFLAKE ALERT: Captain Thomas Moore

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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