Common Sense In Shortest Supply In Living Memory

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Saturday, 4 April 2020

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Harry Stottell, the inventor of Common Sense

After the recent crisis in supermarkets which saw rolls of toilet paper flying off shelves quicker than people could wipe their arses, a UK government study has concluded that a new crisis is brewing, in that common sense is in its shortest supply since records began.

Common sense, the thing you were born with, is the ability to comprehend the concepts around us in our lives, and to be able to act upon them accordingly. It can also be described as "sound practical judgement" of a situation or circumstance, and to be able to perceive 'how things are'.

Not like hoarding bog rolls.

Or going to the beach during a Coronavirus pandemic. In March.

Or going around to your friend's house, as you haven't seen him in ages, and because "he's not the type of person to get Coronavirus".

Or organizing a party, going to a pub, cinema, or football match, whilst people's lungs are filling up with nasty stuff that shouldn't be there.

The government has said that, including inside the House of Commons, common sense is a particularly rare commodity at the moment, and - sadly - there is no factory in China currently mass-producing it.

It's feared that, as time wears on, and the virus, unsympathetic to the pleading of the human race to desist, envelopes the entire globe, other commodities will also start to become unavailable, such as bread, rice, potatoes, and even clean drinking water.

As producers either close or, worse, lose their staff to the virus, and utilities such as electricity are withdrawn, governments worldwide are concerned that people will become irritable, and embark upon a journey that will, invariably, start with 'annoyed', and end, as it naturally must, with 'blood-curdling savagery' - the Descent of Man, if you will.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson said in a short statement, earlier:

"It's been brought to my attention that the most basic common sense appears to have deserted many people, and we are facing difficult times ahead. I, myself, have never had much common sense, and, on the eve of shutting down manufacturing production, I don't hold out much hope of laying my hands on any in the near future."

An unknown voice from the benches behind him, whispered to his neighbour:

"It'll be 'every-man-for-himself time' soon."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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