Record numbers of patients are awaiting operations on the NHS, as they fail to hit their operating targets for the year. Thousands of patients have been left marooned on waiting lists - some for as long 10 years!
Back and to the Left News investigates…..
Well, if you’ve read any of our stuff before, you know exactly who this blame is getting pinned on.
Current Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, said:
"I don’t know what more we as the Conservative Party can do. I mean we’ve tried cutting funding, closing down departments, demoralising nurses, over-working doctors, and not giving a damn about it. BoJo and I even tried to set one of the buildings on fire last year, and nothing seems to work! I’ve completely run out of ideas."
There was no irony in the man's voice as he spoke. He meant every single word he said. They really had tried everything they knew, and nothing had worked.
However, the big man in charge - Johnson - has got a radical new idea to cut the waiting lists. Well, his puppet master, the living smeg smear Dominic Cummings, had a idea, and now Johnson's parroting it out.
Johnson said (after 20 minutes of jowly warbling):
"The thing about this great nation, is that we love queues, so we are now calling all waiting lists 'queues', so that should give us a bit of pep and vimmer! All we have to do is believe in the process, and things will work out fine. Hopefully, a nice cold winter will cull a few thousand off the lists, and everyone will get closer to their operating date. No questions."
A smoke bomb exploded in front of him, and he ascended to the ceiling on a grappling hook.