Boris The Dodger

Written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 23 June 2019

Conservative leadership candidate, Boris Johnson, candidly dodged questions about his leadership bid at a press conference about his leadership bid, leaving onlookers agape.

Assembled journalists, political aides and random hangers-on were left mystified at the lengths Boris went to, to not commit to a single thing.

One starstruck intern gushed:

"Mr Johnson took the room with a bounding sweep of his powerful charisma, and never let go. He spoke for forty minutes and managed to not explain a single detail, or answer any question. He even refused to confirm that he was Boris Johnson. It was a political tour de force!"

Mr Johnson has run his campaign on a solid barrage of waffle and jowl wobbling, and it’s proving an unexpected hit with the voters. Ethel and Norman Greenwedge both took time out from their day of ringing the police about “nosey foreigners” to tell us:

"Boris knows what he’s doing. He’ll show Kaiser Merkel a good dose of British steel, and take back our English pride!"

Ethel chimed in with:

"We all know what happened last time the Germans tried something funny. We won’t stand for it!"

They both launched into a rendition of “Keep the home fires burning”, which haunted us all the way back on the train.

“So You Want To Be Prime Minister” continues on BBC 2 with this week’s guest judges Will.I.Am and Rebekka Vardy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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