The mystery over the existence of a mythical monster that inhabits the depths of Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, has finally been solved by locals who say that the sightings of 'Nessie' can easily be explained away by lies.
Loch Ness has long been associated with the monster, and the area around nearby Inverness benefits to the tune of £2million every year from tourism to the site.
Hundreds of 'sightings' have been made, and countless 'photographs' taken, but nothing has been obtained that could be called 'proof'.
"Because," said one eminent liar to me in a local pub, "we're all lying through our teeth! Loch Ness monster? I've never even been out to Loch Ness, but for a few drinks, I'll tell a journalist anything he wants to hear!
Others admitted that claims to have seen the Loch Ness monster are most often made where beer is present, and that this bending of the truth is what enabled the tourist trade to maintain itself.
Jock McTavish, a local pub landlord, said:
"Aye, the folks love a dram, and the only 'proof' of ANYTHING you'll find around here, is the one on the side of a bottle o'malt!"