Golf Umbrella Was Not 'Fit For Purpose'

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 28 April 2019

image for Golf Umbrella Was Not 'Fit For Purpose'
The friend's umbrella. Image of Kenwood's umbrella unavailable

A heavy downpour of torrential rain at an English city golf course at the weekend, confirmed for one man a sneaking suspicion he already had about an umbrella he had acquired from a charity shop for just 50p: that it was not 'fit for purpose'.

The brolly, a colourful affair, was constructed from nylon panels stretched over a metal frame, had a factory-carved wooden handle, and was now the property of Moys Kenwood, 55, who had arranged to play a round of golf with a friend at the Royal Springhead Municipal Golf Course in Hull.

It also had a 3-inch tear near the center of one of the panels - this was to prove crucial in its future.

The round started well enough with both players taking 7 at the par-4 first hole - as usual - and they had reached the fourth by the time clouds started to gather. Kenwood prepared his cheap umbrella as they teed off at the fifth.

Suddenly, the sky broke, and a biblical deluge swamped the course. The golfers were on an open fairway with no trees in sight. Kenwood huddled under the nylon, but it was then that the tiny, 3-inch tear was cruelly exposed for what it was.

The phrase 'drowned rat' springs to mind.

Kenwood said:

"It's fair to say the umbrella wasn't fit for purpose. Still, we soldiered on, and at least I didn't need a bath once I'd got home!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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