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Funny satire stories about Old People

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Funny story: Old man thought he was having a stroke watching women's golf

Old man thought he was having a stroke watching women's golf

Old Angus McGuiness was absolutely convinced he was he was having the initial signs of a stroke, but with help from a keen 911 operator, he was found to be OK over the phone. "I called 911 because all the words on the television screen were comple…

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Funny story: Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth

Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth

Old man Walter McKinley was today complaining about how the school down his road had been closed after a measly two inches of snow had fallen. The 87-year-old, who has lived in Mithering on the Trent for the past 59 years, and is seen as a local c…

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Funny story: Ohio Ocotgenarians Reveal The Secret To Their 60-Year Marriage Is That Have Sexual Intercourse In Their Pool Twice A Day

Ohio Ocotgenarians Reveal The Secret To Their 60-Year Marriage Is That Have Sexual Intercourse In Their Pool Twice A Day

ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio - (Satire News) - Abby Yukon, a writer with Hearsay Today, recently visited an elderly couple in their luxurious Elephant Butt, home. The couple are Josh (84) and Begonia (85) Seftonwood. Josh is a retired firefighter and Begon…

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Funny story: 60-year-old in a nightclub beginning to find it embarrasing

60-year-old in a nightclub beginning to find it embarrasing

Timothy Claypole, a sixty-year-old has spent every night this month in a nightclub and is beginning to find it embarrassing. 'I saw that dapper chap Michael Gove dancing in a nightclub recently' said Timothy, 'and I remember thinking how much fun…

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Funny story: Post Office Conversation enters 14th minute

Post Office Conversation enters 14th minute

After just going in to buy some stamps, and to post a letter Muriel Halfpenny has been stuck in a conversation with Sandra from two doors down for 14 minutes. 'It was a nightmare' said Muriel 'Sandra and I have nothing in common. We had a bit of a…

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Funny story: A 97-Year-Old NRA Great Grandmother Threatens An Amazon Prime Deliveryman

A 97-Year-Old NRA Great Grandmother Threatens An Amazon Prime Deliveryman

COTTONMOUTH, Mississippi - (Satire News) - A 97-year-old woman got her wrinkled old ass tossed in the Cottonmouth City Jail. An officer with the Cottonmouth Police Department reported that an Amazon Prime delivery man, identified as Tyler Montasel…

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Funny story: New Computerized Cane for Elderly Says 'Piss Off' and Other Sayings

New Computerized Cane for Elderly Says 'Piss Off' and Other Sayings

Development is proceeding on a computerized cane for the Elderly at the Elderly Are Cash Cows Corporation. Plans are for a cane with a flashing light and siren for crossing streets. Also, a button that puts out the horn sound of a Large semi-t…

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Funny story: Pensioners ride around in limousines to save heating their houses

Pensioners ride around in limousines to save heating their houses

Tory Minister Ivor Biggun is in deep trouble after suggesting that cash-strapped pensioners should think about saving money in the supermarkets by avoiding expensive foods such as caviar. The Eton-educated toff also told a caller giving his name as “…

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Funny story: My hatred for dithering old lady in post office exceeded that of Achilles towards Hector, says local man

My hatred for dithering old lady in post office exceeded that of Achilles towards Hector, says local man

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that the naked and unfettered hatred he felt towards an elderly lady who kept him waiting in line at the post office exceeded the burning loathing that the Ancient Greek hero, Achilles, felt to…

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Funny story: Parents now seen as being extremist by racist grandparents, and woke children

Parents now seen as being extremist by racist grandparents, and woke children

Stuck between two generations at Christmas time, parents Alex and Felicity Chilblaine are now seen as being extremists by the two surrounding generations. ‘It was mad’ said Alex ‘Felicity and myself would class ourselves as fairly liberal, treat t…

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Funny story: "Have you seen my Teeth?" asks Grandfather around Dinner table

"Have you seen my Teeth?" asks Grandfather around Dinner table

Christmas dinner was slightly soured by Grandad ‘Foggy’ losing his false teeth. ‘Foggy’ is named after the character in Last of The Summer Wine, but actually Christened as Alloysius Bennington by his Parents lost his teeth somewhere around the Chr…

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Funny story: The Sexual Reason Why Authorities Closed Down The Lost Libido Old Folks Home in Rancho Cucamonga, California

The Sexual Reason Why Authorities Closed Down The Lost Libido Old Folks Home in Rancho Cucamonga, California

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, California – (Satire News) – The Omnium Gatherum News Agency reports that city authorities in Rancho Cucamonga have shut down the town’s oldest senior citizen’s nursing home. OGNA writer Ashburn Wasabi, stated that he spoke with…

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Funny story: A 91-Year-Old Woman Caught At Chicago’s O’Hare Airport With 608 Fentanyl Pills In Her Granny Panties

A 91-Year-Old Woman Caught At Chicago’s O’Hare Airport With 608 Fentanyl Pills In Her Granny Panties

CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Chicago Police Department reports that they have just arrested a woman who is 91-years-old. According to a CPD report the woman, identified as Bergina P. Eggyfoss, who is from Norway, and only speaks broken English wo…

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Funny story: The Percentage of Sexually-Active Older Couples in America Has Shot Through The Friggin' Roof

The Percentage of Sexually-Active Older Couples in America Has Shot Through The Friggin' Roof

CINCINNATI – (Satire News) – In what many pundits are calling a huge mystery, reports coming out a sexual study conducted by a Cincinnati fact-finding firm, say that older couples are having more and more sex. The Scuttlebutt Review’s April Jiggle…

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Funny story: Grandmother uses the word sleeps

Grandmother uses the word sleeps

Grandmother Valerie Jones is shocked to say that she used the word sleeps when talking to her grandson Toby. Toby, 4, was talking about what is happening on Wednesday, and when it was when Valerie committed the faux pas of saying it was 'only two…

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Funny story: An 88-Year-Old Great-Grandmother is Regarded as The Octogenarian Eric Clapton

An 88-Year-Old Great-Grandmother is Regarded as The Octogenarian Eric Clapton

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana – (Satire News) – The Houston Daily Driller is reporting that AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) has just named 88-year-old Greta Sexatini, the Eric Clapton of the Old Folks World. Sexatini, who resides with her g…

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Funny story: An Elderly Florida Couple Caught Having Sex in a Carnival Bumper Car

An Elderly Florida Couple Caught Having Sex in a Carnival Bumper Car

PENSACOLA, Florida – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News has confirmed that a couple who are both in their late 70s, were caught having dry sex in a bumper car that belongs to The Traveling Dixie Carnival Show. Burt and Irene Fumsteen, were videotaped…

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