An online government petition for the UK to leave the EU immediately has received only 3 signatures so far, after it was well-publicised in national media. In contrast, a petition to revoke article 50 and remain in the EU has received over 4 million signatures.
Geoff Xit, who started the petition, was dumbfounded by the lacklustre response. "I know at least ten people who said they signed it, so it doesn't make any sense. I didn't set up the petition myself - I wouldn't know how - so I got an IT expert to do it."
Petition scientist Count Al De Votes said that there was a simple explanation. "Most leave voters are pensioners who can barely switch on their computer, never mind open a web page. It's no surprise that they can't sign an online petition. I showed an old man the other day how to do it, but when he tried it himself he ended up watching a video of cats peeing on Rick Astley on YouTube and he used the touchpad as an ashtray."
Mr Xit would like all future government petitions to be in paper format only, and he has created a petition to try to get them to listen to him. So far though, nobody else has signed up to it.