The Peasants' Revolt

Written by T. Loaf

Monday, 21 January 2019

Angry chants of the Great Rising from the Peasants' Revolt of the 14th century rang through Westminster yesterday as modern serfs (well-heeled activists brandishing coffee-to-go beakers and Pret à Manger turkey sandwiches) advanced on the capital to vent their fury.

An outraged lady from Rochdale commented: "I'm fed up with London not taking us seriously. Serfdom is rife again north of Kettering, and we blame the EU. OK, I didn't vote in the Brexit thing 'cos I was on holiday in Portugal at the time, but I would 'ave. Though I'll probably vote different next time, or maybe not. I blame the government, and the Opposition, in fact, everyone 'round here really. I want my country back, and I want the EU to be part of us. Get it? And that means moving Parliament to Scarborough. London has never been interested in life north of Kettering. That's the whole problem really, in a nutshell."

A government spokesman replied: "Personally, I was not aware there was any life north of Kettering. But we will listen to what these peasants...sorry..people...have to say, provided they speak clearly, and we will deal with their wishes accordingly. After all, I believe they have the right to vote every few years, what more do they want? It's not as though feudalism rules. Debt bondage in the form of rent and mortgages, OK, yes, I accept that.......but manorialism, no! And don't they all have TVs and cars? What more do they need for heaven's sake? And then to say, I want my country back but I'll be going abroad to spend my money. Astonishingly cynical attitude. Things all went haywire when women got the vote. That bloody Emmeline Pankhurst's got a lot to answer for. She's at fault for all this Brexit chaos. And yet, sometimes I fear we might be mixing things up a little. Don't you think so?"

The rebels continued their protest march, albeit for just an hour or so, before retiring for scones and tea at their hotel, The Savoy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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