A once picturesque state inhabited by retirees, drug smugglers, and Disney has since been turned into a ghoulish green wasteland of toxic algae. One local resident, Billy Buckle, describes the smell as, "if Satan farted and that fart baked in hell for thousands of years until it finally seeped out through a reservoir of sulfur." Local scientists describe the algae as a "thick guacamole like consistency".
This description has subsequently caused avocados and avocado based products to plummet in sales as people associate the hispanic fruit with the toxic algae. Florida Gov. Rick Scott has pleaded with President Obama for federal emergency aid. The president is now weighing the options of saving Florida versus annexing the so called "monster" state and replacing it with Puerto Rico.
In the mean time, the president has issued a state of emergency and instructed the national guard to begin rationing out "clothes-pins" to all residents. It is uncertain if this natural man-made disaster will be resolved anytime soon.
