Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 4 October 2018

image for Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It
Sarah Connor?

There was worse news for the beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May tonight, after it was revealed that she has been summarily thrown out of the BBC's 'Strictly Come Dancing' - even though she isn't part of the show.

Mrs May, under fire over Brexit negotiations, the Windrush scandal and immigration, her future as leader of the Tories, and, during a torrid time in Kenya, her shambolic dancing moves, attempted humour as she boogied her way onto the stage at the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham yesterday to embarrassed, half-hearted 'applause'.

The silly old bag bobbed her head, and wiggled her hips in the most contrived display of 'movement to music' ever witnessed. The BBC were quick to react. Strictly judge, Craig Revel Horwood, said:

"Darling, it was a mess. I know nothing about politics, and she knows nothing about dancing. Let's stick to what we know. Awful, just awful."

Some of the contestants were more scathing. Ashley Roberts, the one-time Pussycat Doll, herself a judge for two seasons of 'Dancing On Ice', said:

"Christ! What a fucking moron! She'd be funny if she weren't so pathetic! Where's a Terminator when you need one?"

And Charles Venn, of BBC hospital drama, 'Casualty', quipped:

"She's beyond help. An terminal case, if ever I saw one. Straight to theater, although I'm not sure there's anything they can do for her. A vet might be what she needs - to put her out of her misery. Stupid old crank."

BBC programme bosses later confirmed that, under no circumstances, either now or in the future, would the Prime Minister be allowed to even visit the 'Strictly Come Dancing' studio, let alone take part in the shite.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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