Written by carina-eta

Friday, 10 August 2018

image for MBE for Ben Stokes for Brave Defence of Gay Friends During Attack
We had a couple of diet cokes

The England cricketer, Ben Stokes, was today put forward for an MBE for his brave defence of a gay couple on a night out in Bristol.

Stokes, who was completely sober during the Bristol club-crawl with his mates, first encountered the gay couple after being refused entry to a club.

A horrified Stokes politely told the bouncer that he, as designated driver, had not touched a drop. The Club Bouncer, clearly mistaken in his assessment of Stokes' condition, still refused him entry.

At that point, a gay couple emerging from the club drew the attention of Stokes, who states that, although he had never met the men before, he immediately felt a kinship and bond with them. So much so, that he leaned forward to warn them of maggots crawling round a bin outside the club. His warning cry of "Maggots!" was mistaken by the gay couple, who, although offended by the perceived comment, continued on their way, despite a cigarette butt propelled by Mr Stokes, intended for the offending maggots, hitting them.

However, two bypassers then weighed-in, and Mr Stokes, feeling that they were assaulting his new gay friends, fought them off, leaving one man with brain injuries. Replying to a comment that he shouted, "f*** off or I'll bottle you!" during the fight, Stokes claimed that the phrase was actually "look out or I'll tickle you!"

His good friend, fellow cricketer, Jake Ball, commented, "We all had a nice meal and a couple of diet cokes, then went for a quiet walk. I can't believe how well it turned out, really. He deserves that MBE."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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