Royal Ascot, home of equestrian royalty, the final bastion of expensive designer female hats, Saville Row suits, royal processions, mega buckets of expensive champers, Rolls Royces, and High Society in general, has finally succumbed to the modern way of things. From this year, Royal Ascot will now become a legal 'Punch-Up' for thugs dressed in expensive suits!
Horse-racing punters going to have a flutter or two can now wager their hard-earned money on suited, booted, top-hat wearing, kinky cage-fighters, instead of wasting their money on the gee-gees.
Race course owners have decided to turn the annual illegal brawls, that occur every time drunken twats lose a bet or two, into big-business. Legal cage-fighting areas, in the parade paddocks, are to be erected for anybody who fancies kicking the crap out of each other and, having a flutter too.
The Queen was asked if Royal Ascot could go ahead with their plans, and whilst nodding off for her afternoon nap, her head dropped, and that was regarded as a 'Right Royal' yes!
So, horsey loving punters, join the 20th century, and look forward to some top-hole cage-fighting at your favourite race course instead of just mass-brawling outside.
There are also plans afoot to introduce dog-fighting to racecourses. However, greyhound track owners are protesting the move as they claim to have the monopoly on cruelty to dogs.