Suspended Aussie cricketers Steve Lamborghini Smith and David "Sledger' Warner were both rushed to hospital yesterday. having inhaled their own snot. Both suffered major emotional breakdowns at their press conferences on returning to Australia after they got caught tampering with their balls.
Both multimillionaires, Smith and Warner admitted they were both faking their tears, and any real emotion they felt was the result of losing millions of dollars in sponsorships.
Smith was visibly upset and when repeatedly asked about who else was involved in ball tampering kept saying "I want my mummy'.
Ever defiant and determined to fight back the tears, Warner muttered "I'm never gonna be able to taunt another player again about the size of their wife's tits and the head job they gave me. I don't think I can take anymore".
At which point Warner's PR man squirted a lemon juice squeezy in his eyes and he burst out crying.
Both men are said to be recovering in their 6 star penthouse suites in Sydney and wondering which cruises they'll take their families on while they're suspended. Meanwhile, Aussie Prime Minister, Malcolm Bullshite, is considering offering both players 12 month slots as ambassadors to Russia where ball tampering, in fact tampering in general, is a national sport.