Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 22 January 2018

image for UK supermarket's latest sales hit! World's most venomous spider wrapped in bananas!
The supermarket involved in the latest wicked marketing kick even has a living "Web-site!"

To boost flagging sales in their supermarkets, clever marketing gurus have introduced a "wicked" way to get the public to enter their stores instead of their competitors; they are importing the world's most deadly, venomous spider!

Wrapped in bunches of bananas, the spiders, if seen and purchased, will earn the lucky punter a £1000 pound bonus! A kinky supermarket marketing guru has told Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army; not deadly enough, but still wicked!) that this deal is much better than scratch cards on a cheap Irish airline and the chances of winning a £1000 nicker much greater!

However, there is one disadvantage; if the thing bites a punter, it is exitus! Although anti-venom is being stored in the stores just in case!

Banana lovers are going mad buying bananas hoping for a mega-adrenaline kick and earning themselves a £1000 quid. The poor spiders are hidden because after being exported from Costa Rica in the hibernating phase they might not be ready to slip their cocoons, but punters are hoping to find them crawling between a banana or two in the store because deadly spiders at home are not such healthy pets!

Female punters, slightly anxious, have been heard in the supermarkets squealing at the sight of a creepy crawly between the bananas and, there have also been reports of females who use Chiquitas instead of dildos, going for the ultimate, deadly kick...Lucky spiders...!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Marketing, Bananas




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