1 drink a day shortens your life claim UK scientists, BULLSHIT! Lets all BURP together!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Friday, 13 April 2018


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They surely mean 1 bottle a day saves our lives and not 1 drink a day kills us!! BURP!

The age old discussion of booze and health refuses to go away as scientists have come up with yet another threat to our lives; apart from dropping out of a plane, being hit by East European trucks, crossing the road generally, and falling in the bath, among millions of other reasons why our lives could be shortened!

Well Jaggedone sent his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star, piss-artist reporter, JimBeam-Doubleshot-AA, down to the scientists HQ to tell them to shove their report up their rear-ends, and here are the reasons why; BURP!

1) One drink a day! Fuck you, my granny downs a bottle of gin everyday and is approaching 99!! BURP!

2) One drink a day! Fuck you, I do the same as my granny, but don't like gin, so I'll stick to whisky for breakfast, a couple of bottles of red wine for dinner, and to finish off the day, back to the Scotch! Burp! And I still ride my mountain bike straight! BURP!

3) One drink a day! Fuck you, do you want the world to put up with Trump & Co without booze!!! BTW, he's a teetotaler and lost his grey cells years ago, so, maybe he should have a piss up with Putin, have a laugh now and then and, stop shortening lives of innocent Syrian kiddies! BURP!

4) One drink a day keeps the doc away! Fuck you! Well ask the French, Spanish, Italian, Greek, population, who have the longest life expectancy on the planet, if they would feel better on 1 drink a day? Their answer; mierda, grande mierda!! BURP!

5) One drink a day! Fuck you! These scientists are financed by the plastic bottle water companies hoping to boost the shit people put in oceans that kill marine life, pollute rivers, and poison millions of fish every day that poison us! I prefer my drinks in a glass bottle!! BURP!

So there you have it; bullshit surveys are what they are, bullshit, and be fucking careful of that sober Polish truck driver (do they exist?) in your rear mirror, he could shorten your life drastically!! BURP!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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